Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
