go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize