it was like his penis was on wheels.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He felt like a one man threesome
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
