We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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