Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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