my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
