Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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