if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
