This is not my ceiling
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
