kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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