You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
