It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
