I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
worst night to have a conscience
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
