i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
