Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
