Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
