i just wanna soil my oats bro
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
