Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
