It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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