He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
