I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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