My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
