Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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