i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
babies were throwing up all over the place
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
