I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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