so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
