Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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