As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
