Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
