I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
