Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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