i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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