now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
