Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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