Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
