i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
