Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
