In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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