I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
