You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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