xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
