He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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