You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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