He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
