My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
