Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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