somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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