i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
