I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
