I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm just crazy horny about you
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Damn victory sex feels great
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
