Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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