Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
