I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
