i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
