I have demons in me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
